From Pre-Baby to WHOA BABY!!!!!!!
Babies, they’re the most beautiful miracles that one can ever imagine! During my pregnancy, I thought, "If someone doesn’t believe in The Guy upstairs, they should go through this experience!"
But HOLY BABY do they change the game! My husband and I did things a little bit different…well, a LOT bit different. Let’s just say the marriage and the baby carriage didn’t follow the traditional order, but the love was definitely there!
As implied above, Olivia was a pleasant surprise. A surprise that took 6 positive pregnancy tests to convince me that it's indeed real! When the reality set in, I looked at my then-boyfriend whose eyes were filled with happy tears, and started yelling, “THIS IS NOT GOOD! I DON’T GET PREGNANT”. Lucky guy right? In my defense - because defense is, indeed, warranted in this instance - I was a year - and - a - half into my career with a company I loved, a year into getting my Master's degree, and …umm…well, not married!
After the “HOLY SHIT” moment that I had, and I’m sure what must have been a similar moment for my now-husband upon seeing my reaction, things took a turn for the best. It was fun being pregnant. I was lucky and had a very active and somewhat easy pregnancy. I mean…a hernia here…some back pain there, but compared to some others…I’ll take it! Our parents took the news REALLY well, to my surprise. We got a new house, my husband’s job started to take off…everything was getting set up for our babe! And then came the Babe…
The joy, the bliss, the INCREDIBLE MIRACLE that you experience in that moment in the delivery room is ABSOLUTELY indescribable! It’s amazing. I’m not talking about the 26 hour labor that I was in, but the part when the baby appears in to the world. The hospital staff is so caring and knowledgeable it’s comforting. I was taken care of and so was my newborn…it was great. They’d bring her to me to feed and take her when I needed rest! Family and friends were filling my room to congratulate us and meet the new member of our clan.
Then came the homecoming…we were so excited. We called our families and said, “Please don’t bother us for a couple of days as we want to acclimate to our new normal." Everyone was super respectful of our wishes, to my surprise.
As we were leaving, our nurse asked if I would like to dress my daughter before we went home…and all of a sudden it hit me…”UMMM I DON’T KNOW HOW TO PUT ON A DAMN DIAPER”. I’ve never been around small children before. I told the nurse to go ahead and do it, because I’ll have my fair share of that when I get home (insert awkward laugh here)…cough cough…or…in reality, so that I can watch her do it, while taking rigorous mental notes without having to admit I’m scared to death of doing it wrong! From that moment, anxiety set in more than ever before as we took our tiny, little baby home with us!
There are always specific moments in one’s life that they can recall and remember as “Life Changing”. If you have kids, it would be crazy to not categorize this event as one of those life changing moments! Having my daughter ROCKED MY WORLD! When we got home, no one called or came over, as we had asked…we started to try and figure it out! Let’s just say that by Day 1.5, when my mother in law, very careful called just to check up on us…I, with a shaky voice, trying to keep it together, asked her to hurry up and check out her granddaughter if she wanted…we didn’t let her leave for 3 days. I remember watching my mother in law give Olivia her first bath from afar while thinking: “I can’t do this…I don’t know how to do anything, I’ll break her, I’m not fit or meant to be a mother”. I was wondering if there was any way we could give her back… that’s right…I said it…I wanted to give her back, just like my now beloved puppy that we got a year before! Some have a longer adjustment period than others alright???
A few days went by, I think, everything seemed to run together and I will never forget yet another moment.
It was 3:00 a.m. and Olivia started to move around and making noise because she was getting hungry, I opened my eyes and just laid there for a minute and this is the first time I thought…”I have never in my life been more selfless than this…NEVER”. Before, it was all about Alina, now NOTHING is…it’s all about this tiny human that I’m entrusted to keep alive and make in to a good person. That night, everything changed in my mind and my heart. It’s as if my heart grew to the point that I never thought possible. That little girl became my world, my obsession and something that I literally cannot live without!
This, as I discovered, was the beginning to our new normal and a new me…