Keep My Emails Turned On
When I first told my boss that “I have a bun cooking in the oven“ - seriously, that’s how I announced my pregnancy to him! - I followed that up with assuring him that a baby was NOT going to slow me down! I am still going to kick ass at work and continue to have my girls’ nights and DAMN IT, I’D STILL WEAR MY STILETTOS TO EVERY MEETING! Olivia was just going to have to fit in to my schedule somehow; I was a working woman and I didn't want to stop hustling!
A very quick glimpse in to Alina before Olivia:
I’m an only child, I adore my friends, I loved to go out on the weekends…and well…week nights, traveling was a must and I LOVED to work. So again…Olivia had to fit in to that life style…no problem right?
When I was getting ready to go to the hospital, I called my boss and asked him to make sure that my e-mails remained turned on because I was going to check them every day of my maternity leave. The understanding, humble, awesome man that he is (relax, he might be reading this post), he told me that it wouldn’t be fair to me or the baby if I tried to work during this time off! After once again learning that trying to tell me no when I truly want something is a lost cause…I just heard “Ok, Good Luck!” from the other end of the phone and suddenly felt at peace: “Ahhh, yes, I’ll still have that to do when I’m home all day, every day”.
How many moms are shaking their heads??? Yep…me too as I’m typing this. I’ll spare you from the obvious, but e-mail and work were not the top of my priority list as I was trying to figure out how to keep a human alive and how to rock a new, not so sexy pair of mesh underwear vs. my high heels!
Somehow, though, my new normal that was so distant and foreign to me in the beginning, became an enjoyable new life. I left dinners with friends early (if I even went) because I couldn’t bare the thought of not seeing Olivia before bed. I would rush home from the grocery store in fear of missing something brand new because she was evolving and changing so quickly. My days that seemed to drag so slowly in the beginning of this new chapter, have suddenly grown wings and started to FLY by me. The thought of going back to work, back to traveling, back to “me” again…didn’t seem to make sense all of a sudden!
It was a trip to Target, (isn’t that where most productive interventions take place) that shamefully felt like an extravagant vacation and lasted for over an hour and a half when all I needed was some toilet paper, that made me realize that maybe…JUST MAYBE going back to work and seeing the world outside of the bubble that I created over 12 weeks, will be exciting.
So, I put on my make up, did my hair and put on my heels. I head out the door with confidence because now I had a new perspective, and NOW, I was also a proud member of the Mom Club which you don’t gain access to until you become one! I walked in to my client’s office, along with my boss who was riding along with me that day. We chatted and caught up and showed a ton of pictures of Olivia. Everyone sat down and were ready for me to present our current product launch…and…WHOA…it’s as though I forgot how to talk, to present, to do something that came SO EASY to me! I struggled through the meeting and didn’t even want to look at my boss’ face when we walked out. I’ll never forget the lunch we had when I tried with every part of me to hold back the tears and just couldn’t!!! I started bawling!!! He didn’t know what to do with that! Did I forget how to do my job? Did I lose myself completely? Enter all kind of new Mind F***ing that started to take place from this point forward.
As it turns out…some parts of myself were gone and changed (as I found out later, those weren’t missed by anyone, especially my mother and grandparents)…but what was left, evolved in to so much more than what I could’ve imagined. It took a second to get my MoJo back, but I did. I’ve regained my confidence in my work life and started to approach everything with a different perspective! I found my balance…I had to re-introduce myself to myself and learn how to handle this new me that I was living with from here on out.